This is a very short story I wrote to accompany my Tarot Arcana story, The Night Sky Man: The Nine of Wands (synopsis and blurb available at that link). Since the main story is told from Tolly's POV, I thought it would be nice to have something from Nate. In this ficlet, Nate remembers the very first time he and Tolly got together, with a closing reflection on the events from the beginning of The Night Sky Man.

Everything in Pieces

When Tolly taught him to kiss like a girl, it turned Nate on more than anything he could either remember or imagine. The words were as intimate as the physical kiss itself, and Nate did everything Tolly said. Their breath touched even before their lips. When at last their mouths did touch, Nate breathed into Tolly, and inhaled Tolly with the next breath; and then Tolly's tongue was in Nate's mouth and Nate remembered to keep himself open and soft, and even when Tolly invited Nate into his mouth, Nate didn't forget to be soft, soft and open.

Then Tolly reached for himself, and Nate was so turned on by how aroused Tolly was that he couldn't stand it. Sinking to his knees, he pushed Tolly's hand out of the way and took out his cock. After a few strokes, Nate looked up to see if this was what Tolly wanted, if there was anything special he should do. Tolly's head was flung back with the arch of his body, so Nate pressed a kiss to the cockhead, kept his lips there for a moment before he parted them to let the tip of his tongue rest on the tip of Tolly's cock, and then he gave the tiniest lick. Tolly's fingers slid through Nate's hair to cup the back of his head, urging him forward. Nate took Tolly in, feeling the cockhead glide along the roof of his mouth, flicking and swirling his tongue along the underside. He began to suck softly, wondering how far it would go, wondering if Tolly wanted him to do everything like a girl, if Tolly maybe even had a kink to dress him up like a girl.

Tolly's fingers tightened in Nate's hair, pulling him back gently without pulling him off, his other hand nudging Nate's chin up so their gazes met. "Hard. Suck hard," Tolly said. Nate bent his head and took Tolly into his mouth again. "Please, Nate, please, suck hard."

Listening to Tolly's litany, Nate smiled around the cock. Tolly was using his name. He wasn't pretending Nate was someone else; it was Nate he really wanted. Tolly's thumb slid along one hollowed cheek, down to his chin, tilting Nate's face up again. This time Tolly didn't say anything. He just pushed himself deeper into Nate, deeper, until he came down Nate's throat.

Nate stayed on his knees after he finished swallowing. When Tolly withdrew, Nate looked up at him. Tolly glanced away when their eyes met, but then looked back, unshed tears shimmering. "Why?" Tolly touched Nate's face. "Why are you so beautiful?"

You're the one who's beautiful. But Nate couldn't say that because it was such a cliché, it would ruin what was going on. Anyhow, the look on Tolly's face made Nate breathless; he didn't think he could speak even if he wanted to.

Nate was so aroused he was starting to ache, so he slipped his hand under his clothes and began touching himself just to take the edge off. And then he realized Tolly was watching him. When their eyes met again, Tolly looked away quickly. Nate closed his eyes so Tolly could look at him if he wanted. He started rocking as he stroked off -- and then Tolly's fingers were around his arm, just above the wrist, pulling his hand away. "Don't," Tolly said. "Not like that." He slipped his own hand down Nate's trousers, fingers curling around Nate's cock.

They knelt together, Tolly jerking Nate off, Nate openmouthed, head fallen back, watching Tolly's face through half-lidded eyes. Tolly flinched when their gaze connected, so Nate closed his eyes all the way. "Please don't stop," he whispered.

Tolly didn't stop, except to drag the zipper all the way down. He took Nate out and pumped him hard until Nate came, reaching out blindly to clutch at Tolly for support. Hand still on Nate's cock, Tolly drew him close. "Come to bed with me, Nate." Seduction; request. "Let me take you to bed."

Nate led the way to the bedroom, undressed himself and Tolly. He kissed Tolly again just like Tolly taught him; Nate kissed and caressed him until Tolly was hard again. "I have a condom," Tolly said. He fumbled with it, his fingers thick with drink, so Nate took it from him. Tearing open the wrapper, Nate carefully positioned the condom in his mouth. Tolly's brow quirked but he didn't ask, and then Nate bent his head, holding Tolly's cock at the base and slowly unrolling the condom as he slid his mouth over the tip and down the shaft.

With a lopsided grin as he sat back, Nate adjusted the condom and glanced up. Tolly blinked at him openmouthed, and Nate decided not to wonder if any of Tolly's girls had ever done that for him. He was still smiling as he slicked up Tolly, then reached behind to lube and stretch himself. "How do you want me?"

"Hands and knees," Tolly said without hesitation.

Nate got into position. When he felt Tolly behind him, Nate reached back to guide him in; Tolly fit inside him so sweetly that Nate sighed.

Tolly was still once he pushed in, hands resting lightly on Nate's hips. Nate stayed still, too, for as long as he could, and then he rocked back in encouragement. He couldn't stop once he started, loving the feel of Tolly's cock sliding inside him as he pushed back, and forward, and back...

Then Tolly found his own rhythm, grip tightening on Nate's hips, pulling him back, thrusting into him hard and deep, and it was so much better than Nate's own rhythm that he surrendered at once, mewling helplessly, soft broken gasps of sound, almost forgetting to breathe. Tolly stopped, soothing his hand over Nate's trembling body, back and forth along his spine. "Are you okay? Is it okay?"

"Yes," Nate said, "please, please--" He rocked back until Tolly started once more. Even when Tolly was slamming into him again, Nate was still begging, "Please, Tolly, please, please, please"; he didn't know what he was begging for, he just needed, he needed. He couldn't stop, didn't stop until Tolly wrapped his hand around Nate's cock and started fisting him in rhythm with his thrusts. When Nate quieted from the gorgeousness of the pleasure, caught between Tolly's hand and his cock, he heard what he'd missed before: Tolly's prayer, the counterpoint to his own pleading, a whisper so soft. "Nate." Just that, over and over.

And it was that, his name, the desire Tolly put into Nate's name -- it was the pureness of that desire that made Nate come first, shuddering and breathless and overwhelmed. Tolly didn't stop, didn't let go of Nate or Nate's cock until he came himself; and then they collapsed, loose-limbed, Tolly still inside Nate.

Their sweat-slickened bodies shifted against each other as they came to rest, as Tolly softened and slipped out. Tolly said his name again and Nate heard the quiver. Turning, Nate caught the brightness of Tolly's eyes before Tolly had to look away, and that was the first time Nate made Tolly cry.

Nate wanted to touch Tolly, to tell him it was okay; he wanted to make it okay. But he didn't move, didn't speak. He turned away to give Tolly his privacy -- and when he did, Tolly shifted closer, curled around him, head resting in the curve of Nate's neck and shoulder. With a sigh, he relaxed in Tolly's arms. Tolly passed out after a few breaths, wrapped around Nate, and Nate drifted into a deep sleep of his own.

That was the first time it happened. No one has ever made Nate feel the way Tolly does, no one's ever made him come the way Tolly does. Tolly is the only one who's ever fucked Nate just right, the way he wants it, needs it. All the others have either been afraid of breaking him or have wanted to, tried to. But when Tolly fucks Nate, it never hurts, it's just bliss. Even that first time, it was so perfect, so fucking perfect... so fucking perfect that Nate fell in love.

He knows you're not supposed to fall in love from a good fuck. He doesn't think anyone would understand or believe him, but the first time Tolly fucked him, Nate fell in love. Because Tolly wasn't like any of the others. Tolly wasn't afraid of him, he just wanted him. Tolly wants him whole; Tolly makes him whole. Nate wishes he could make Tolly whole, too. But now Nate's worried that he has broken Tolly. Tolly has given Nate everything Nate wants, his friendship by day, his body by night. Everything in pieces. Tolly has fragmented himself to make Nate whole. If only Nate could do that for Tolly, give him everything he wants and needs, make him whole, too...
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